Wednesday, July 31, 2013

our children will not forget the words of their parents

Each night after Judah is freshly bathed, smelling like sweet lavender and cuddled up close for some bedtime stories I like to talk to him about all the wonderful things we did for the day. I ask him "Judah do you remember who we played with today","Do you remember those trucks on our run" or "remember how we picked out those books at the library". I like to recall all the good things that happened throughout our day. I feel that this is my way of bonding and affirming that mommy and daddy want good for him. That we want him to be happy and yet we will discipline him if he does something that he shouldn't be doing. Like throwing dirt in the sky to make dust clouds or running away from me in the parking lot.

Today I received another batch of texts from my birth mother. She tends to text me every other month. This time it was to tell me that she never loved her children and that she doesn't care that she abandoned us when we were so young. Even though this is what is to be expected from my volatile mother it still stung my heart. Especially since I just spent an hour on the phone with her this week talking her out of self injury again. Growing up with I was used to being told daily by my birth mother what I did wrong and how she hurt herself because of her children. I still have it burned in my head the image of my drunken mother who OD'd on her medication screaming at me in the emergency room "I do this because of you! I hate you!". Children will not forget the words of their parents.

That is why I daily remind Judah of good things. I remind him over and over again how much I love him and that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am doing what the Lord does for us. The Lord he does not retain His anger forever because He delights in unchanging love, He will again have compassion on us (Micah 7:18-19).  He has us recall the former good things he has done for us (Isaiah 46:9). He will quiet you with His love (Zephaniah 3:17) He will not forget us, He has inscribed us on the palms of His hands and we are always before Him (Isaiah 49:14) we are the apple of His eye (Zechariah 2:8). All over scripture the Lord continually reminds us of how faithful He is, how much He loves us, how He will fight for us and how He will save us. Yes in my shame I put Jesus on that cross, but His death takes away my shame forever. 

In being parents we are to die to self, to give unconditionally and to discipline in love. 

After receiving the text bombs from my mother I drove Judah out to the library to check out some new books. On the way home our tradition is to stop by Starbucks to read a book together while we sit on the couches. While I was parking Judah started singing in my backseat "bless The Lord oh my soul ohhhh my soul" and I turn around to look at him he says "mama I love that song, bless The Lord oh my soul!!"

Then I started crying. The Lord knew I needed to hear Judah sing this. He was reminding me of His great love for both my son and myself. In that moment I completely forgot the words of my mother and I was able to embrace the love that was being poured out into my heart. 

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  1. We used to do the same thing with Noah when he was younger, I think we need to get back into it.

    I'm sorry your birth mom is so hurtful. If she is an addict they seriously become the devil incarnate when not clean for long periods of time. I've seen it myself and it is so awful. Hugs from me mama!

  2. Hi Jess, I've followed your blog for a while and you have touched my heart with all of your posts and the way you encourage others and how you teach your son how great it is to give. I truly cannot express how upset it makes me that your mother sends you these kinds of messages. For a lady who has a caring heart it is really sad that people still put you down. God bless you through this and do not listen to any negative comments because seriously you are following the right path and you have blessed others which means you will have blessings in return!

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  4. I have a post I've started writing about 25 times about recalling the day with my son. He's just now started to be able to tell us what he did without being prompted. This age makes you really realize how early in life and over such a long span of time we have influence on our children. Even though we come from such different childhood experiences, I too feel the need to make SURE Jonah KNOWS that he is smart and important and loved!

    "days will come when you don't have strength, when all you hear is you're not worth anything, wondering if you ever could be loved, and if they truly saw your heart they'd see to much, you're beautiful, your beautiful, you are made for SO MUCH more than all of this, you're beautiful, you are TREASURED you are sacred you are HIS. you're BEAUTIFUL....You are the one he madly loves enough to die!"

  5. such a powerful post, you are so strong.
    it's so true that kids never forget. I still have phrases I've held onto from when I was growing up. Some good, some bad.
    You're doing a wonderful thing for your son. I can feel your love coming though in this post.

    Many Blessings,

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  7. i can't imagine going hearing those awful things from your birth mother, but you are raising Judah with such a strong, loving heart... he will never forget the kind words you say to him :)

  8. i'm so sorry you are hearing those things from your mother :( no child should ever hear those words. you are an amazing mother to judah and he will never, ever forget that :)

  9. I am so sorry you have to hear words like that from throne person who should have been protecting you! My mom is also not well (mentally).

    The hardest thing for me was letting of the fact that she wasn't who I grew up with, she had changed into a different person. Even though she is alive, the mother I grew up with "dead" and I had to look at her with different eyes. God has been so faithful in healing us both. HUGS and thank you for sharing and being so honest about life.


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