Monday, March 4, 2013

not sucking it up

When my therapist and I would talk about difficult things in my past she would always ask me "Jess, how did you manage to get through that" and I would always reply "well I just have to suck it up and do it". When ever I am faced with any type of difficult situation in my life I always tend to go back to that behavior of "well I have to just suck it up".  I think this past weekend I've learned why she didn't like me to just "suck it up" when it comes to things that I don't want to do. She wanted me to learn that I have a choice and a voice and that its okay to say no and its okay to rest. I learned this lesson the hard way. Two weekends ago I decided it was time to de-bacherlorize our bedroom and paint over the ugly ogre green color Scott had on the walls for so many years. It was difficult to sleep in the room and it just didn't feel like it was "home". It felt like I was stuck in Lord of The Rings and not the pretty fairy forest part . Scott typically tapes and does the edging since he is tall and leaves the painting to me. I love to paint, but I also feel that I need to just pound it out and get it all done at once, regardless of the cost to my body. While I was painting some of the paint from the roller brush landed in my eye. Scott wanted me to wash out my eye but I insisted that "I am fine, I'm almost done I'll just suck it up". Not to smart of me. I took a shower after I was finished and my eye still felt like I had something in it. Over the past week I've tried to flush out my eye or put in eye drops, but through out the day it felt I had something scratching the back part of my eye. Last week was a busy week for us and I felt like I didn't have the time to get my eye checked out.  I felt that it was ridiculous for me to spend money on a doctor and that I could just suck it up because the pain will eventually go away. Finally last Saturday while running errands with Scott and Judah I had to get something from another part of the store. While I was looking around my eye started to get really blurry and when I tried to look for Scott and Judah I couldn't make out which person they were. This scared me and I realized that I needed to stop "sucking it up" and see an eye doctor asap. So that's what Scott and I did for our Saturday afternoon. We spent it at the eye doctors office getting my eye checked out. Everything is fine, the inside back part of my eye is really swollen and irritated (probably from the paint) so they gave me a prescription for $150 drops that I am supposed to take over the next week. 

That being said, because of my eye its been harder to crochet. My eye will start to hurt after staring at my yarn for a bit. But besides the eye problem I have also noticed that for the past few weeks I've been feeling pretty anxious with my crochet orders. I haven't taken a break in a year, instead of re-charging my batteries I've been "sucking it up" and trying to push out orders. I've been "sucking it up" in allot of areas of my life and its left me feeling anxious. I decided it was time for me to close the shop for a few weeks, to finish out my custom orders and allow myself to take a break. To crochet some fun new things for the shop that my heart has been dreaming of for years (yes I dream about yarn creations). 

Hopefully I've learned my very expensive lesson in not "sucking it up" anymore and in a few short weeks I can share with you all some of my "dream crochet creations". 

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  1. Such a good post.

    Often we do this. We just push through and don't really take care of ourselves.

    Good on you for putting you first. Try and do it sooner next time sweet lady.


  2. Oh no! Jess I hope your eye gets better quickly. I know what you mean about 'sucking it up.' I did the same thing for years and years and because I have been feeling so rotten - I finally went to the dr. After being put on bp medicine, thyroid medicine, and a new pair of glasses...I feel awesome! Why do we wait so long? lol

  3. thank you for this heartfelt reminder. I truly love reading your blog and getting to know you. I hope you don't think that is weird, but I think about you a lot and I pray for you and your family. God keeps bringing you to mind. You are a beautiful young lady--and you are not alone in your pain.

    I can't wait to see your new crochet creations! :)

  4. I'm left here saying to myself "Ahhh I would have done the same thing!" Its hard to sit back and say, I'm being ridiculous!


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