I'll be honest, I didn't want to write an encouragement post this week, I kinda just wanted to stop writing about anything that I did that might have been encouraging. To many things have been going on to the point were I just didn't want to write my weekly post any more. I've mentioned a few weeks ago that I stopped blogging as much because I felt that my off line personal space was violated by someone. Then it happened again this week. My mother who I haven't heard from in several months sent me some text messages reminding me of how worthless I am, although I try to not let her texts bother me its hard to shake them off. I think every daughter deep down inside has that desire to be loved by her mother. My heart hurts over crocheting things for friends and not even hearing a response that they received my gift. Then yesterday while Judah was napping something tugged at my heart to check in on him. Thank goodness I did because he had his pillow that he ripped to shreds wrapped around his head and a piece of it was wrapped several times around his arm so he was unable to take it off his face. Scariest mommy moment ever. I quickly ran over to unwrap him, seeing that he was fine I let him sleep a little bit longer but then I just needed to hold him. So I woke him up early from his nap and brought him downstairs to lay down on the couch next to me so we could watch The Busy World of Richard Scarry on Netflix together. Then I received a phone call from Color Me Mine. They accidentally ruined one of the anniversary mugs Scott and I made a few weeks ago. I put off going to the place because I didn't want to see the mug and cry with out Scott around. Scott has been working 12-14 hours a day this week and has been doing this for months. I feel like a single mom sometimes. I feel like I encourage people with out making an impact. I hate feeling violated with my personal space by people I barely know. I hate the feeling of not wanting to exist because my mom keeps telling me I am worthless. I don't want to blog about all my discouragements because I don't want to be a person or a blog where people feel discouraged, I want to encourage others and honestly I do love my life, its just hard sometimes. My heart felt heavy this week and I didn't feel like I had it in me to encourage someone.
This morning when Judah and I got ready for the day I decided that I was going to encourage my son. He just means the world to me and I know the reason why he has been throwing extra tantrums this week is because also has been feeling the effects of Scott's long work hours. I took him to Color Me Mine to pick up the mugs and while we were there I let him pick out something to paint. This past week he has been obsessed with making the shrieking dolphin noise so he picked out a dolphin. I was grateful that we were the only people painting because I think they would have left after hearing Judah shriek like a dolphin for an hour.
When we left Color Me Mine I was originally was going to take Judah to a dairy free cupcake place in Reston. Traffic was really bad so I ended up taking the back roads to Frying Pan Park. The temps have dropped and with the wind chill it felt like it was below 30 degrees. Since I only had my hoodie we briskly walked around to see the Cows, Goats and Chickens. Then we went inside the barn to check out some of the baby lambs and pigs. Judah didn't want to leave, but I told him that the wind was hurting mommy and asked him if he would like to sit in a warm Starbucks to have a delicious treat. He excitedly ran with me back to our warm car.
We arrived at a cozy little Starbucks near the farm. It was good for my heart to just sit and drink a venti soy chai while listening to my sweet boy chatter away about the farm and painting the dolphin. Once we got in the car to head home Judah clasped his tiny hands together and said "thank you Jesus" and screamed AMEN then told me that today was a fun day. I had to hold back the tears because that was just about the cutest thing I've ever seen Judah do. I knew that I encouraged my sweet boy. To even further encourage his sweet little heart once we arrived home I read to him 8 of his library books before nap time.
I know encouragement or discouragement changes like the wind and that we can't control who might say or do something to encourage or discourage our heart. But what we can control is how our heart and attitude reacts to each situation. I want to try harder to look for the good in each and every situation. To try to see encouragement in places that appear dark with discouragement. I hope eventually it will be my hearts natural reaction to see the good in all things.
Who have you encouraged this week? Or what types of situations have you been discouraged by that you were able to turn around into encouragement.