Friday, March 22, 2013

no encouraging it forward friday

I'll be honest, I didn't want to write an encouragement post this week, I kinda just wanted to stop writing about anything that I did that might have been encouraging. To many things have been going on to the point were I just didn't want to write my weekly post any more. I've mentioned a few weeks ago that I stopped blogging as much because I felt that my off line personal space was violated by someone. Then it happened again this week. My mother who I haven't heard from in several months sent me some text messages reminding me of how worthless I am, although I try to not let her texts bother me its hard to shake them off. I think every daughter deep down inside has that desire to be loved by her mother.  My heart hurts over crocheting things for friends and not even hearing a response that they received my gift. Then yesterday while Judah was napping something tugged at my heart to check in on him. Thank goodness I did because he had his pillow that he ripped to shreds wrapped around his head and a piece of it was wrapped several times around his arm so he was unable to take it off his face. Scariest mommy moment ever. I quickly ran over to unwrap him, seeing that he was fine I let him sleep a little bit longer but then I just needed to hold him. So I woke him up early from his nap and brought him downstairs to lay down on the couch next to me so we could watch The Busy World of Richard Scarry  on Netflix together. Then I received a phone call from Color Me Mine. They accidentally ruined one of the anniversary mugs Scott and I made a few weeks ago. I put off going to the place because I didn't want to see the mug and cry with out Scott around. Scott has been working 12-14 hours a day this week and has been doing this for months. I feel like a single mom sometimes. I feel like I encourage people with out making an impact. I hate feeling violated with my personal space by people I barely know. I hate the feeling of not wanting to exist because my mom keeps telling me I am worthless. I don't want to blog about all my discouragements because I don't want to be a person or a blog where people feel discouraged, I want to encourage others and honestly I do love my life, its just hard sometimes. My heart felt heavy this week and I didn't feel like I had it in me to encourage someone.

This morning when Judah and I got ready for the day I decided that I was going to encourage my son. He just means the world to me and I know the reason why he has been throwing extra tantrums this week is because also has been feeling the effects of Scott's long work hours. I took him to Color Me Mine to pick up the mugs and while we were there I let him pick out something to paint. This past week he has been obsessed with making the shrieking dolphin noise so he picked out a dolphin. I was grateful that we were the only people painting because I think they would have left after hearing Judah shriek like a dolphin for an hour. 

When we left Color Me Mine I was originally was going to take Judah to a dairy free cupcake place in Reston. Traffic was really bad so I ended up taking the back roads to Frying Pan Park. The temps have dropped and with the wind chill it felt like it was below 30 degrees. Since I only had my hoodie we briskly walked around to see the Cows, Goats and Chickens. Then we went inside the barn to check out some of the baby lambs and pigs. Judah didn't want to leave, but I told him that the wind was hurting mommy and asked him if he would like to sit in a warm Starbucks to have a delicious treat. He excitedly ran with me back to our warm car.  

We arrived at a cozy little Starbucks near the farm. It was good for my heart to just sit and drink a venti soy chai while listening to my sweet boy chatter away about the farm and painting the dolphin. Once we got in the car to head home Judah clasped his tiny hands together and said "thank you Jesus" and screamed AMEN then told me that today was a fun day. I had to hold back the tears because that was just about the cutest thing I've ever seen Judah do. I knew that I encouraged my sweet boy. To even further encourage his sweet little heart once we arrived home I read to him 8 of his library books before nap time. 

I know encouragement or discouragement changes like the wind and that we can't control who might say or do something to encourage or discourage our heart. But what we can control is how our heart and attitude reacts to each situation. I want to try harder to look for the good in each and every situation. To try to see encouragement in places that appear dark with discouragement. I hope eventually it will be my hearts natural reaction to see the good in all things. 

Who have you encouraged this week? Or what types of situations have you been discouraged by that you were able to turn around into encouragement.

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  1. It hurts my heart to read that your mother says things like that. Feeling discouraged is totally understandable. Keep looking at the positive and working towards making good out of even bad situations. That is a quality I find myself wishing that I was better at, on a regular basis.

    I can honestly say that the shrieking dolphin noise wouldn't have fazed me at all - my almost 8 year old went through that stage a few years back, got past it and then revisited it. Now we're at 3+ years of non stop Transformer battle noises.

    As far as my week - its been a rough one but I'm hoping to turn my "blah" mood around tomorrow with some quality family time, a haircut and a little bit of makeup.

  2. Well, even though I do not know you personally I want you to know that I am encouraged by you and your encouragement to others. This week my little guy had eye surgery and a few friends of mine brought over some dinner. It was so nice of them and I felt encouraged. You have a lovely little boy! and you are seriously such a good mom. When I read about all of the things you do with your little guy I think and hope that I will be that kind of mom too : )

  3. I hugely appreciate your blog and have been encouraged by it many times, but have never commented before. I just want to say you are worth so, so much for so many reasons! And I was encouraged today by this post. I related to that feeling of being world-weary and beaten down, then loved how you turned it around by heaping extra love onto your son. I work with children in crisis and see children everyday who suffer neglect, abuse, or are put in unfair circumstances by their parents. To read your blog and see the love you have for your son leaping off the screen encouraged me greatly and gives me hope for the next generation. :) Thanks!

  4. It hurts to see you down because you are an awesome mother and the only blogger I follow who encourage other people the most.
    I hope all the hurting would makes you stronger and wiser. I pray that God will soften your mother's heart.

  5. HUGS! I am praying for you right now, beautiful wonderful Jessica! You know, even if your mother says those awful things--I've noticed, when my mom crabs at me or picks at my self-esteem, its because her heart is desperately crying out and she is hurting/dealing with something. That still doesn't make what she did right, but sometimes it helps to understand the situation, because it turns your hurt into prayers and your pain into sympathy.

    I also wanted to tell you--that no matter what your mother says, the impact you've had on my life has pulled me closer to God. I'm not saying its anything you did, I'm saying that God has used you and your story to touch my life. You have really challenged me to want to encourage others, and to look for ways to do this!

    You are amazing and wonderful--so I hope I encourage you today! Because no matter what you are my sister in Christ, and my heart is full and overflowing with love for you.

  6. I don't know you very well, but I know your mother is wrong. You in no way can be worthless. God created you for a purpose and loves you. You also have a beautiful son that seems to love you to pieces. You look like an amazing mother and you encourage me every week to be a better person. I see your posts and think "I should be encouraging other too". Hopefully your bad moments will turn around and you'll have nothing be happiness in your sight.

  7. I feel so sad that someone so giving can be left feeling that sad.

    I am sorry you have sent gifts to others and they have not showed thanks and gratitude. I always feel so sad when that happens to me. I don't really need a big thank you but it is nice to know things are received and enjoyed..

    I am so saddened to read your mother txt you things like that. Please know she is the one really missing out. You are so special. And always when you feel low remember to your son and husband you are the world. And that is enough.



Thank you for your comments! They encourage my heart and I read every single one of them. Please be encouraging and don't just comment or email me when you want to correct me on my grammar. When I get the "grammar correction" emails or comments they do hurt my feelings. I wouldn't want your heart to feel the way mine does after reading them.

Please check back as I try to respond to everyone who leaves a comment.