Sunday, December 16, 2012

no words

It was hard to start this post or any post since Friday. Every time I start to write it I think someone isn't able to hold their child anymore and then I start to cry.

Friday I was standing in line at the post office, ready to gift our friends that work there some Starbucks coffee. My phone started beeping with breaking news. I read that their was a shooting at a Connecticut Elementary school, I recognized the area and almost dropping my phone I called my little sister Kaylee in Connecticut. She said it happened down the street from her sons school but they are okay and she will call me later. 

If left the post office and sat in my car for awhile, I couldn't move, I couldn't stop crying. This hit way to close to home but more than that mothers and fathers have lost their children to a horrific shooting in a safe place a school. As a mother I kept thinking will Judah ever be safe with out me. Do I have to worry about taking him to the mall to see Santa, to the movies or even to school. We were just watching my 3rd grade nephews play at his school the night before and I was thinking its almost time for Judah to start school.

Leaving the post office I would normally go home and put Judah down for a nap. But I drove him to a park, not caring that it was past his nap time . I couldn't sit and read my twitter, people arguing about gun control, CNN posting videos of interviewing traumatized children and story after story about the shooting update. My heart couldn't take it, I couldn't think about what was going on. My primary responsibility at that moment was to take care of my son, to hold him tighter to let him run and play at the park and for him to see that his mother is okay. I was grateful that he is to young for me to have to explain what happened. I kept trying to hide back the tears as I watched him run around the park, stand and point at squirrels running by and double over in a full on belly laugh. I just kept thinking those parents will never hear their children's laugh again, or be able to just watch them chase squirrels or get their hugs. 

I am angry and heartbroken. This should never have happened. Tomorrow those children should be starting one of their last weeks of school before Christmas break. They should have been hanging out with their friends and family this past weekend, sleeping in, decorating the Christmas tree, playing, watching a Saturday night movie. But someone took their precious lives away from us. I don't fully understand and am not sure if I ever truly will, I have no words for the ache in my heart and can't imagine what these parents are going through right now. If you feel pretty helpless like I do and if your looking for a way to help the  Huffington Post wrote an article on how to do so.

Hug your children a bit tighter today and always. 
Let us never forget these children and teachers. 
Let us come together and form a safe community for our children.


  1. Thank you for writing this. My heart is aching for those families, and I can't seem to make myself talk about it.
    Your son is lucky to have a Mom like you.

  2. There are no words for me to express how saddened I am about everything that has happened lately. So many shootings, especially the children in CT. Ugh.

    Hugs mama.


  3. I can't shake it. I'm sure my children are sick of the endless hugs and kisses that I keep giving them. I randomly cry throughout the day and think about those parents. I honestly don't know what I would do if something happen to my children. We've stayed up later, played longer, laughed louder these past few days - if anything this whole thing has taught me how fragile our lives really are and that each moment as crazy or chaotic as it may be, is so special. Hugs Momma. <3

  4. Thank you for writing this post, it is beautiful and eloquent. All our thoughts and prayers are with the families and community.


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