When Judah was first born I use to ask my husband over a dozen times a day "Do you think he is cute, be honest with me" at first I thought it was first time mom hormones and being alone in the area with no one really to talk to but my husband. I started to notice when we would take Judah out in public people started saying Judah is my twin. I would ask Scott "do you really think Judah looks like me?" and he would say "Jess he is your twin". I then realized something more was being done to my heart.
I grew up thinking I was ugly, being told by my abusive father that I was ugly and worthless and yet I spend my days cuddling, holding and kissing the most beautiful boy in the world. My son....who looks just like me.
After awhile I started to see things through different eyes. It was like the Lord used my son and how we look similar to discredit the things my father told me growing up. It helped me realize that my father was being hateful, abusive and was lying to me and my siblings.
My heart has changed. Now when people tell me that Judah is my twin I take it as a compliment. My son is the most beautiful little guy. He loves life, loves showing people affection and cares about others. You can see this in his smile, the way he blows kisses at everyone and in the way his eyes sparkle. Judah's joyful spirit is just contagious.
I always tell Scott, The Lord is showing me what my life would have been like as a child with out abusive parents by letting me be Judahs mom. We are able to see first hand what it looks like for a child to thrive in a loving environment. I am able to see Judah grow a healthy confidence of who he is and encourage the beauty I see inside and outside of him.
Judah, he is my son, he is my twin and he is beautiful.