Tuesday, September 11, 2012

rising with hope

Today while I was preparing homemade pizza for dinner I learned a very timely lesson in my spiritual life. I mixed together warm water, brown sugar and yeast and as I was measuring out the flour I realized realized I was a cup short. Putting the mixture aside I ran to Target to get more flour (diapers, hair wash, new shirt for Judah ect....) 45 minutes later when I combined everything I noticed the dough looked kinda funny. I thought maybe I am just overly tired and it will look fine after I let it rise. I put the lump of dough into a container, covered it with a dish towel and waited an hour. When I came back it looked like this....a heavy disagreeable loaf. 


I thought this was funny, because I am taking a huge step of faith tomorrow. For the first time since I left working in full time ministry two years ago I'm trusting the Lord and starting a women's daytime bible study. My heart over the past two years has been hurt and jaded by some believers and because I was working through some heavy stuff I took a break. During the first part of my break my heart was a heavy disagreeable lump, just like the dough in my bowl. I wouldn't let Scott pray for my meals, I rolled my eyes when people said they were praying for me, I was jaded because I was hurt by working in ministry and felt abandoned after giving my life to them for over five years. 
 I felt like my spiritual life was a heavy disagreeable lump in my heart.
 But over the past few months my heart started to really miss being closer to the Lords heart, it missed how I was head over heals in love and I missed writing poems like these (I have notebooks filled with them). I also missed encouraging other women from the overflow of encouragement I received from the Lord by being in scripture daily. 

Your call astounding
I had no choice
heart pounding
at the sound of your voice

darkness fade
into Your light
for this I was made
You've given me life
9/25/08 - Jessica West
1 Peter 2:9


Staring at my heavy disagreeable lump of dough, I thought, the yeast needs to be mixed in with the dough at the right time to transform. Just like I want Gods word to be leavened into my heart, for it to spread and transform so it will rise with hope.

tomorrow...my big step of faith towards my Lords heart. 

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3 comments:

  1. I am SOOOOOOO happy for you!! I've had seasons where i gave that same eye roll...it's TOUGH isn't it?

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  2. Jess, that poem is amazing! I hope you start writing more.
    PS your son is the just the cutest :)

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  3. This is a great post with such deep meaning. What an awesome God who will speak to us through the small daily details of our lives - even through bread. Really love this post.

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Thank you for your comments! They encourage my heart and I read every single one of them. Please be encouraging and don't just comment or email me when you want to correct me on my grammar. When I get the "grammar correction" emails or comments they do hurt my feelings. I wouldn't want your heart to feel the way mine does after reading them.

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