Tuesday, August 7, 2012

self sabotage

When I woke up on Saturday I weighed myself and was happy to see that I finally hit 169! I haven't been able to get under 174 in months and was getting pretty frustrated with my weight loss.  This is the lowest I've weighed since I had Judah. To celebrate my weight loss Scott and I took Judah on a 6 mile run to the farmers market and back. Nothing makes you want to work out harder than to finally see results. 


We didn't have time to work out on Sunday and since it was raining yesterday morning Judah and I worked out to some Yoga Booty Ballet and a Billy Banks DVD. We were planning on going on a late afternoon walk but the humidity outside was making it hard to breath. 


Then this morning I went to see my Dr and she mentioned that she would like to see me lose more weight. Which is something I want to do, I just couldn't figure out why its so hard for me to lose the weight, especially since I work out all the time.

When I got back from the Dr's  I took Judah on a 6 mile run. While we were running down Braddock a guy drove by and screamed out his truck window "Hey hot mama" I was offended and stopped running just so I could stare him down as he drove by. Then a further up the street I had another truck honk and yell something out the window. I looked to make sure my pants haven't fallen off my but again during my run. When we arrived in downtown Fairfax I was waiting for the crosswalk light to change and a guy standing next to me said "how are you doing you fine woman". I pulled out my mace and stared him down. Then on the way back home I had a few more honks and cat calls. I thought either tonight its a full moon or maybe I'm starting to lose the weight. 


When I was approaching my street I kept thinking I am craving a hamburger or something that is really  not healthy for me.  Then I caught myself in mid thought and wondered why in the world do I want to eat a hamburger? I just ran six miles and spoke to my Dr earlier today about losing weight. Why would I want to self sabotage my entire workout by eating something that is so unhealthy. If I am craving something I can quickly stop by the store and grab a banana for Judah and I to share or eat the left over salad at home from last nights dinner. Then I realized I hate the attention I get when I lose the weight. Every time I see that number go down on the scale I get more compliments, then I get the urge to eat junk food and that number slowly rises again. I've struggled with this for years. So I ran past McDonalds and headed home and ate that left over salad.


I guess the urge to self sabotage your weight is just like working out. You take it one day at a time and the tiny changes will help improve my lifestyle. I'm sure one day the desire to stay fit and be healthy will outweigh the desire to not be cat called from the street. I hate the attention, it makes me feel gross inside, kinda like eating a McDonalds hamburger does. But I would rather feel gross from a cat call and sweaty from running six miles than hating myself for self sabotaging my diet and eating a gross hamburger. 


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4 comments:

  1. I'm impressed and inspired by your running! Way to go Jess! I like at the beginning seeing the lower number made you want to run more :-) Usually people like to reward themselves by going crazy on a junk food binge on the weekend when they start doing well; not you! Yay for choosing salad at home over mickey-d's! Men like that are so stupid. Sorry for the gross out :-(

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  2. You are looking great, Jess! And definitely have more motivation and self control than I ever will. I am a weakling when it comes to self-discipline in the area of sweets and burgers :)

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  3. First off I love that you are not afraid to put your weight on your blog. I struggle so much with my weight after having my son. It becomes a vicious cycle of wanting to lose weight, being upset with no results and than eating because of unhappiness. It's awesome that you are so aware of what could make you self sabotage.

    You look great and your little man looks so cute in his work out gear :)

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  4. You are doing awesome! There are always going to be temptations, like craving a burger, but I LOVE that you stepped back and asked yourself why you wanted to make that decision to grab fast food. Self-talk is such a great tool for weight loss.
    I tend to get angry about cat calls and such, especially when out with my littles, but keep going! Look mean on the outside to keep creeps at bay, but on the inside embrace the fact that you are gorgeous!

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