Monday, August 13, 2012

If you really knew me



I have seen this on a few of my friends blogs and thought it would be something fun to try out. Also I feel like after I've read their posts I feel like I know them allot better  and thought this may be a great way to share a bit about who I am and who I used to be. 

If you really knew me

You would know that my son literally saved my life. 

You would know that when I was 17 years old I was in a very abusive relationship. I got pregnant and was beaten up by my boyfriend until I agreed to get an abortion.

You would know that part of me died that day and I didn't want to live. 

You would know that for years after this I was involved heavily in the rave/party scene. I lost who I was and I just wanted to party until the pain wore off. 

You would know that I have allot of gay family members who I hold dear in my heart. That my gay aunt Dorothy has saved us from many abusive situations from my father. That my step mom and her sisters are the reason why I have great childhood memories. They took the time to invest in our lives and I have many wonderful memories of camping, going to softball games, going to the beach or taking our dogs on hikes in the woods. I was teased when I was in elementary school for my aunt being gay and I've witnessed over my lifetime people being hurtful to her. Although I worked at a very conservative church for over 5 years where many frowned on my relationship with her I didn't care because I would never say or do something to hurt or offend my family members who have poured so much good into my life. 

You would know when I found out I was pregnant with Judah I was scared to tell my husband because I had a fear that he may turn out to be like that guy I dated when I was 17. But when I finally called him up (he was on work travel) he celebrated with shouts of joy. 

You would know that I had the name "Judah" picked out four years before I met my husband. That his name means "this time I will praise the Lord" and my heart has been thankful for him ever since I held him in my arms.

You would know that before I met my husband I wanted to work and live with children in third world countries. My heart was forever changed a few years ago when I went to stay with the children who lived in the garbage slums in Cairo Egypt. I was derailed by what I saw and all I wanted to do was love these girls who didn't know what it felt like to be loved on unconditionally. 

You would know that I never thought I would get married. That a couple I worked with at McLean Bible Church tried setting Scott and I up for years but we both blew them off. We both just happened to volunteer to help them fix up a house they bought and we met when Scott needed help to fix a stove. 

You would know that I have a quirky sense of humor and I love to laugh. Also that I have a very loud laugh.

You would know that I do not want to be defined by my past. That each day is a new day to show Judah how beautiful this world can be and that I strive for him to never experience the pain that I did growing up. I also want to raise him to have compassion for others around him.

You would know that I love giving to others, but when someone says "want" on a crochet hat I post or just expects something from me I get turned off by that relationship. 

You would know that I love reality TV. 

You would know that I secretly love hip hop and that I've been trying to teach Judah the dance moves to "call me maybe".

You would know that I lived with Tito Puentes family right after my abortion because I was kicked out of my house. You would also know that his family introduced me to Christianity. 

You would know that my sister Rhonda is one of the most encouraging and courageous people I know.  That she surprises me daily with her inner and outer strength and I am honored that not only is she my wonderful sister but also she also a wonderful aunt to Judah.

You would know that although I never expected to be married and that I am grateful that Scott picked me. That our paths were joined together and that we have this incredible son who has changed both of our lives and I look forward to growing old together with him and hopefully one day increasing our family. 


Also check out some of my friends if you really knew me posts Nicole and Danielle.



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14 comments:

  1. Wow, this might be the most open and honest post I've ever read on the internet. I'm so sorry for your past struggles and so glad you're now in a loving home with your gorgeous boy.

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  2. This post really struck a chord with me. "You would know that I do not want to be defined by my past." This quote is my motto! So glad that you have found happiness with your hubby and beautiful son. Big hugs!

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  3. Hey sweet girlie, I love your blog! I am following you from the Sweet Pea Project. I hope you can visit me too. www.TodaywiththeTennerys.com

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  4. Your newest follower from Project Sweetpea.
    Anissa from Chasing Hailey
    http://chasinghailey.blogspot.com/

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  5. Wow, this was heavy friend, and so well-written. I have a lot of admiration for you, seeing all you've gone through and how you've handled it with such grace. Sending you lots of love, as always, and thank you so much for sharing your trials as well as your triumphs :)

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing this. Its amazing to see how far you've come. What a blessing it is for us to repent and move on and no longer have the burdens of our pasts.
    You've sure learned a lot that's going to bless that little Judah man forever!

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  7. Oh this is such a brave post! I'm really shocked by some of them (that you had to go through these things) ans I'm so happy for you that you've found your luck, your family looks perfect.

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    1. Thank you Dorien, Scott and Judah are pretty amazing :-)

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  8. Wow. I love your honesty. Very refreshing and so glad you came out on top. Xoxo.

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  9. You amaze and inspire me! I wish more people had your attitude and outlook. The world would be a much better place. Love you sweetness! You are so strong and beautiful. Scott and Judah are so lucky to have you in their lives! xoxo

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  10. I love this. I wanna be friends. :) I love the way your son's name is so meaningful. This is a great blog post! I'm coming back for more! -New follower here!

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Thank you for your comments! They encourage my heart and I read every single one of them. Please be encouraging and don't just comment or email me when you want to correct me on my grammar. When I get the "grammar correction" emails or comments they do hurt my feelings. I wouldn't want your heart to feel the way mine does after reading them.

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