Tuesday, June 19, 2012

what am I supposed to say




Each year on fathers day I end up reading blogs with tributes my friends have written out to the fathers that raised them.  I read most of the posts but after awhile my heart grows heavy and I have to stop reading. I am very jealous of my friends who have these awesome fathers who have these well deserved tributes written out to. My father wasn't a great father and every fathers day I go through the day trying not to think about him. Trying not to think if this man who none of his children talk to is thinking of any of us. Wondering, is this the day that his heart finally feels remorse for all the things that he has done and my heart is questioning if he is sad that none of his kids are calling him up to wish him a "happy fathers day". My heart is still sad that he still hasn't called me to congratulate me on having Judah. This year felt particularly harder than the previous years, I think it was because I was overly exhausted from all our travel and Judah wouldn't let us sleep in. So instead of spending the day feeling sad over not having the father I wanted. I instead celebrated the most amazing father I know....my husband. 

Judah woke us up bright and early. While Scott showered I quickly dressed Judah up in his "my dad is rad shirt" and prepared Scott's gift. 


Scott loves notes and words of affirmation. So I wrote out Judah wrote out reasons why he thinks his "dad is rad" then gave this to him in his very own Super Man coffee mug since his father is his hero.


Then we spent the entire day just hanging out as a family. 


We went on a family walk where Scott was able to help my heart process why fathers day is so hard for me. He not only affirmed that he loves being Judah's daddy but he also loves being my husband. Then we stopped by the park and my heart just smiled watching Scott play with Judah. In my mind I was thinking "Judah has such a great dad, one who plays with him, who wants to hold him all the time, who loves to read to him or sing him silly songs". Judah has the best dad in the world. 


My father may not have been the best father, he is probably listed as one of the worst. But Judah, he has been blessed with one of the best fathers. One who insists on tucking him in bed at night, who stops what ever he is doing and leans down to Judah's eye level to see what he is trying to say. Scott was born to be a father and Judah was meant to be his son.


 I don't typically know what to say for "fathers day" posts because I don't have a long list of reasons why my dad was awesome because he is quite the opposite. One of the reasons why I started dating Scott years ago was because he told me about how awesome his father is and I knew Scott would be an awesome father just like his dad.  The two years since I've been a mom, fathers day is more about my husband and less about my own father. As a Judkins, fathers day is a joyous day, celebrating the men in our family, I know one day Judah will be a great father because he wants to be just like his own father, my husband Scott.


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15 comments:

  1. My biological dad isn't really much of anything either. But I have a step dad who gladly stepped up to the plate. You are right to celebrate your husband, feel whole knowing that your child will never share your feeling of not having a present father. Holla to good husbands and even better baby daddies :)

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    1. your comment "Holla to good husbands and even better baby daddies :)" made me laugh out loud ;-)

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  2. Oh, that made me a bit sad... but also joyful for your little family. Blessings!!

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    1. Im so joyful for my sweet little family that the Lord has provided :-)

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  3. I know exactly what you mean - I feel the same thing come Mother's Day. So glad you've found such a great man to share your life with and to be such a great dad for your child(ren). <3

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    1. aww caitlin Im so sorry, I know the feeling with mothers day, my counselor has forbidden me to talk to her for awhile till I work out some things she has done. Scott is a great man
      :-) and I love being able to see fathers day in a new and different light

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  4. Jessa, I love your honesty. I am sorry that it has been a trying road when it comes to your father. You are blessed to look at the positive and have an amazing husband and father of your child. it look like a perfect day spent as a family.
    So sweet that you wrote him a list...I love holding onto cards and notes. They mean the most. :)

    Wishing you a happy Wednesday!
    Xoxox
    Maria

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    1. such a sweet comment thank you maria!
      xo

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  5. I can totally relate to this post. I don't celebrate Father's day as my biological dad is completely absent from my life. I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of my first baby any day now... and for the first time I was able to truly celebrate father's day in honor of my husband. It's a true blessing to see my husband be 100% more of a father before the baby has even arrived than my father was my whole life. How lucky you are to have such a loving husband and father to your precious baby boy!

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    1. I love how you also are able to have a new tradition for fathers day, just wait till next year
      :-) it will be a billion times better I promise :-)

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  6. Jessa,
    Love this post! What an awesome way to channel your hurt and disappoint but to pour love, affirmation, and speak life and love into your husband and family. My son has never met his father. We recently finalized my husband adopting him.

    (http://raineykindofdays.blogspot.com/2012/03/oh-happy-rainey-day-adoption-journey.html)

    I found myself a little extra emotional as I thought of this being the first Father's Day that he had the same last name as the rest of our family. He even wrote inside the Father's Day card he made for my husband "Thanks for making me a Rainey like you". That melted my heart!

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  7. Such a beautiful way to look at it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I found your blog from a comment you left on Bleubird! I'm so glad I did.

    Kacie
    http://www.acollectionofpassions.com/

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  8. Its wonderful that you can see the positive in a difficult situation. You're a great writer and the way you've explained yourself was lovely to read. Happy Father's Day to you and your family of 3!

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  9. This father's day was one of my hardest fathers day in my life. My Dad, passed away on Christmas Day. This was my first fathers day without him. I miss him so....
    I have a wonderful husband, who is a father to our two adult children, so we kept our minds on all the positives we too have in our lives. And we survived and got through it like we always do. What we learn is that we are stronger then we think and we get through these hard times learning so much.
    My love and prayers are with your family.

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Thank you for your comments! They encourage my heart and I read every single one of them. Please be encouraging and don't just comment or email me when you want to correct me on my grammar. When I get the "grammar correction" emails or comments they do hurt my feelings. I wouldn't want your heart to feel the way mine does after reading them.

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