Tuesday, June 26, 2012

anxious

Since we flew home from being in San Francisco for a week I find myself being more anxious than usual. I thought this wall of anxiety would have left by now and that we would be well into our routine at home. But for some reason I can't shake the feeling that we are going on yet another trip and leaving home again. My heart just yearns to be home for awhile and make the most of these sweet sumer days with Scott and Judah. I'm wanting to be in a routine so badly that I see myself pushing to see whats around the corner and forgetting to really enjoy the moment that Im living in. I realized this last night when Judah woke up the for the fourth time crying. We asked him if it was his teeth and he kept pointing to his legs. I know he is in the middle of a growth spurt and he just wanted to be held by his mommy. It was well after midnight so I picked up my sweet boy and carried him around our room, singing him songs and trying to sooth his aching heart and hopefully his growing bones. He finally fell asleep in our bed and cuddled up next to me. In that moment I realized when I am able to sooth my sweet boy back to sleep after crying, I feel like super mom. I didn't have to plan anything, I didn't have to think about it, the instinct to hold my sweet boy and sooth his little heart came natural. My anxiety started to lift and I started to see that I need to be living in the moment, not looking around the corner.

Judah woke up in the best mood today, we spent the first half of the morning just making silly faces to each other and laughing. 




I feel like today God knew my anxious heart was on overdrive with trying to plan "fun things" for Judah and that I needed a break. When we walked downstairs Scott told me that his truck didn't start, so I let him take my car to work.  That meant Judah and I were homebound instead of running errands, driving to the park or the library. We ended up hanging out at the house, played with the water table in the backyard, read books, made more funny faces and played cars on the living room floor. After Judah went down for a nap I was able to take a nice long shower and use some of the Lush products Scott and Judah bought for me over the weekend. If your ever feeling anxious, get some Lush bath products. I swear it helps your body relax and you smell like flowers.


I hope in the coming days I am able to find an emotional, spiritual and physical balance to help my heart not feel as anxious. That I don't feel like I have to look around the next corner to see what I have to plan or do. That I am able to enjoy these sweet summer days with my two guys and one day be able to look back on this summer with fond memories and without any regrets.








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5 comments:

  1. sweetie... prayers being sent your way! lots of deep, cleansing breaths and know that your God won't overflow your life with too much!
    love you,
    Maggie :)

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  2. I don't have a baby of my own, but what you wrote about your motherly instincts, really moved me. I get anxiety too, and have always thought I will be an anxious mum, so this was an encouraging post to read.

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  3. Living in the moment is definitely important... something I need to work on! I always plan ahead! It can be helpful but doesn't encourage the small moments of presentness :( you and your family are beautiful xx

    http://www.jenventure.blogspot.co.uk

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  4. I hope you feel better soon, I know how it feels to not feel settled...

    <3 sending you a hug.

    Andrea
    www.bringingupruby.com

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  5. I feel that way often. I pray most nights for help in enjoying each moment, rather than being one step ahead in my thoughts. I think part of it is being a mommy/planner. But it's true what they say, that our babies grow up in a blink, and I am trying to just enjoy. Thank you for sharing.

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Thank you for your comments! They encourage my heart and I read every single one of them. Please be encouraging and don't just comment or email me when you want to correct me on my grammar. When I get the "grammar correction" emails or comments they do hurt my feelings. I wouldn't want your heart to feel the way mine does after reading them.

Please check back as I try to respond to everyone who leaves a comment.