Tuesday, March 6, 2012
letter to my husband...
Today we celebrate two years of being married. I have been trying to think of a gift for you, since you know I am a gifts person and I love giving gifts. But you are not, your a words person, words mean everything to you and I can see that by the way you cherish the words written in the Bible or how you bring words together to create beautiful music. I wanted to write out a letter to encourage you on our past two years of marriage. I have learned that marriage is like a race, you need nourishment and encouragement to keep running on track. We had to fight against all odds to start our race, our journey of life together, even the day before we got married you made a choice to ignore the people who were against us, people that were supposed to be key people to encourage us on our journey. You decided to trust God and trust in his choosing me for your wife. This lack of encouragement and nourishment from our support system for our souls was hard, I felt alone at most times, but you kept fighting for me, for us and for our family. I think I went into marriage with this expectation that everything is going to be blissful, that the first few years of marriage will be easy and later in life is when we will have to face the hard stuff. But the first year I became pregnant with our honeymoon baby, you still had your motion disorder and we were in the emergency room at least once a month because of your medical problems. We had lost our support system and marriage was allot tougher than I expected. I felt my heart heavier than normal because of my pregnancy hormones and felt such a sadness when we brought home our son essentially alone. This isn't how I imagined marriage to look like. But as our second year of marriage came around the corner things started to look different. We had this wonderfully sweet son Judah and we both experienced this whole new level of love for each other and for our son. You saw a doctor who healed you of most of your medical problems and I could trust you to hold Judah alone. I was able to get into trauma counseling to help me with my past. Going into our second year of marriage, I am able to see what a healthy marriage looks like, I am able to see what it looks like to fight for a marriage against all odds, I am able to see who is healthy enough to be in our lives and to cut out the unhealthy ones. I have learned to have peace with people that I assumed would be in our lives that are not, and their are people that I never thought would be in our lives who are. That in all of this, to trust the Lord, because He knows who is supposed to be in our support system. Honestly Scott, I am happy our marriage wasn't perfect bliss the first few years. That the Lord allowed us to literally walk through fire and I believe that our marriage will end up being stronger because we have been singed by the flames of walking through hell and back. We know what it looks like to not have a support system and we have learned how to fight for one another. We have learned to trust one another and to trust in the covenant that we have made with the Lord to stay together. We are able to see that our trails have brought us closer together as a couple and closer to the Lord Himself for helping us walk through them. You have somehow allowed me to see myself in a different light, you have taught me how to give myself grace when I am to hard on myself, you have encouraged me as a mom, a wife, a cook and have made me believe I am not a "bad person" and your words and actions have made me want to daily become a better wife to you. One of my greatest earthly blessings will always be that I have been blessed to be your wife. I am so grateful for you Scott Judkins and I look forward to walking through a not so heated path in our journey this third year of marriage. love your wife, Jessica This is how we are spending our 2nd anniversary...giving our sweet son Judah lots of cuddles. We brought him to Kaiser this morning. He threw up again last night and again on our way out the door to the Drs office. He was a little rag baby doll at the Kaiser office and the nurses were worried because he wasn't his happy cheerful self, he just stared at them. The Dr did confirm she believes he has the Norovirus and he should be feeling better in 48 hours. Our anniversary plans are to hang out at home, maybe watch the bachelor and get some Thai take out somewhere and give this little guy lots and lots of cuddles. Im so blessed that I have a husband who will agree that spending time home with our family is a sweet anniversary blessing.
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