Friday, February 17, 2012

Kindred Spirits and playing nice in the blogging world

The friendships I've made in the blogging world are on my heart daily. I became involved in the online community over 10 years ago when I joined a list serve called DCraves. When I was younger I loved the club scene and I love meeting new people. When I was in this community a bunch of us started live journals and we would talk about our daily lives, what made us laugh, wrote out party reviews, upcoming meet ups and uploaded allot of pictures. Every Monday morning people would email out their weekend review on which parties they attended with shootouts. It was something that was fun to us, we were not trying to "become famous" we all knew each other. I ended up leaving the club scene and started a wordpress journal. On this journal I spoke about my relationship with the Lord, how I started working at McLean Bible Church, my heart breaking while I stayed with children living in the garbage slums in Cairo, my journey with being a student leader with the High School and Jr High Students, people walked with me through my breakup of of my last boyfriend, witnessed my journey of meeting my husband, my social media community was the first to know when my husband proposed to me in the butterfly exhibit in DC (yes I immediately tweeted and updated my Facebook), I made sure we had an "open potluck wedding" so I was able to invite all these people who have impacted my life and we had a little over 350 people show up. These friends have walked with me, knew the heartbreak and trauma of my childhood, how much I wanted to become a mother and not be my mother and I was struggling with being pregnant. They know the day I became Judah's mom changed my heart, I wrote out that the moment I held my son I knew he was a gift. I've made some pretty close friends in the blogging world. But I've also had my blog used against me. I had a few "mean girls" twist my words on my blog and throw them in my face.  My husband has seen my heart break, has hugged me when I couldn't stop crying over "mean girls", he was there when I decided to delete my live journal and make my wordpress private. Years of written memories hidden now from the world because someone used them to break my heart. 

I don't understand the blogger meanness, I saw it in the DCraves, live journal and wordpress communities and I see it now. Everyone has a different blogging styles and they share differently. Honestly if we were all the same I would just get bored with reading blogs. I'm a mama to a very active toddler and some days I only have time to read a few sentences and look at a photo dump of IG pictures. Other days when Judah is napping I have time to read long well thought out posts. I want to get to know my friends, I get excited to read the stories, I want to celebrate with what brings you joy and and my heart empathizes with what hurts yours. Your blog help me know you more. But it hurts my heart when I read a post that someone has made talking about how they don't like different blogging styles, but what hurts my heart more is when they actually raise their blog up to be better than the person they are referring to. You really can't write that post that makes your blog look better than another in a non offensive way, if you have readers then someone may just have the writing style that may annoy you. Its okay if you don't care for a certain writing style, just don't publicly share that information or dedicate blog posts on hurting another blogger. Keep it in your heart and know that its just a personal preference. If you feel like it still bothers you and you just want to vent to the world about it, then read another blog that doesn't make you want to bash another blogger for their writing style. The writing style of that blogger that annoys you so much, may be the only style they feel comfortable with right now. I was transparent on my live journal and wordpress and I was hurt a little over a year ago by some "mean girls" and right now my photo dump of my son is what I am comfortable with. I'm slowly getting around to really sharing my heart, but I'm not going to stop posting pictures of my son. 

I personally know in this online world you will meet a few people who will hurt your heart. You will also meet people that you knew you were always supposed to be friends with and by chance you happened to meet on Twitter, IG or stumbled upon their blog. These are kindred spirits of the blogging world. These sweet kindred spirits make the occasional social media heartaches worth it. I love that my husband knows of my online mamas, that I get to exchange Christmas, Valentines day and Birthday cards. My social media support has encouraged me to take steps of faith in opening my business "My Charming Colors"and I've had several mamas encourage me to try crocheting something that I thought I couldn't do. These are friends that my heart wishes they lived closer so I can go meet up at Starbucks, go on thrift adventures or have play dates with our kids. These ladies are the first to celebrate with me when I'm having a great day or when something amazing happens in my life and they are also the first to respond when its not so good. They fight for my friendship and heart like I fight for theirs. Its something worth fighting for and a friendship worth investing in.

In keeping up with an old DCrave tradition....I will share with you some shootouts of some of my favorite blogs, ones that are dear friends and others that just make my heart happy. 

The Vintage Souls
Buggie and Jellybean
Prairie Hen
Sometimes Sweet
Adventures of a New Mom
Caitlin +1
Lola Birdie
This Little Life of Mine
Little Chief Honeybee
away we go
Small(ish) Things
last train to pooksville
Harper's Happenings
The Paper Mama
Yellow Finch Designs
oana befort
the anderson crew
Bleubird Vintage
Skunkboy Creatures
her lovely life
rockstar diaries

I have a huge blog list I read, but right now these are the ones that I currently find myself commenting on, getting lost in the pictures or the words, being inspired by and truly building friendships with some of these lovely bloggers. 

I hope in no way anyone took this post as an attack, believe me I am guilty as the next person for wanting to publicly vent about things But when it comes to bloggers, I just feel that our bond is somewhat sacred and we should be encouraging each other instead of tearing each other down.

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  1. Well said! Thanks for the reminder, it is always good to remember that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

    1. Its sometimes really hard because you just want to vent when someone has really hurt your heart. But I think by talking about even how people just blog a certain way will end up hurting a bigger portion of people than just venting about that one person who hurt you. You end up hurting feelings you don't even want to hurt.

  2. Sorry, you were hurt by the "mean girls". I just don't understand why people feel the need to be so curl with their words over the internet. I think the internet is an amazing tool that can connect us and we should use it to spread encouragment and caring.

    1. Oh I love the online community, and I agree I have found so much encouragement and such wonderful caring people online. It was mainly some of my in laws who used my "social media" to hurt my heart. Then I read some blogs as of recent who were talking about a "group" of certain bloggers (a type of blogging ) they don't like and I happen to do some of that blogging.

  3. Sweet Jess,
    Your heart, compassion, kindness, and genuine honesty make me adore you even more!
    I wish we were neighbors!!!! I would have Judah come over and play with Josie :) we could drink coffee (lots of it) and go to fun parks! :) You are a human sparkler, my friend and I know we would get along wonderfully!
    It is so sad that people feel the need to drag negativity into the blogging world... and I refuse to be a part of it! It won't stop them, but I am going to let my light shine and do what I do! ** AMEN! **
    Have a mega-awesome weekend friend!!!!

  4. Awe Jess, I'm sorry you have had to experience any of this. Unfortunately people are cruel and don't think before they speak of type. The nice this is when stuff like this happens you realize very fast who the important people in your life are, and you end up holding them a little closer to you. Were already friends on the IG world, I'm hoping we can be friends in the blogging world. I love watch Judah grow every day, and you and Scott are amazing parents. Always remember that and don't let the haters get you down.

  5. great post! i understand where you are coming from. i still consider myself new to blogging world and i just don't understand the meanness. i'm with you...i like reading other's stories and getting to know other mamas (and non mamas). i love seeing the different personalities and styles. personally, i also have a hard time with how cliquey the blogging world can be. but, i have met such amazing people so i don't let those few people bother me.


Thank you for your comments! They encourage my heart and I read every single one of them. Please be encouraging and don't just comment or email me when you want to correct me on my grammar. When I get the "grammar correction" emails or comments they do hurt my feelings. I wouldn't want your heart to feel the way mine does after reading them.

Please check back as I try to respond to everyone who leaves a comment.