Thursday, February 23, 2012

embrace the camera - trust

I haven't really blogged in the past few days. Yesterday was part 2 of my 4 part visit to fix the nightmare root canal I had a few years ago. I'll be honest. Even though I am seeing the best dentist in the Northern Virginia area I am still terrified of sitting in that seat. I know this greatly has to do with my past, people hurting me over and over again so I just assume with each situation that I would get hurt, so instead of bringing on more hurt I would rather just endure the pain I am in. But what I am learning is to trust, trust that the Lord is not going to bring hurt out of every situation in my life. Even my dental situation. Yesterday my Dentist took out the medicine that they put in my root canal, filled it and did this cotton cap till I am able to see my other Dentist for a permanent cap. I decided I was going to trust him and I was so calm with my dentist I even had my eyes open right before they were going to numb me. I stopped him and said "wait what am I doing?! lets do this all over again I need to close my eyes because that's a BIG needle!"After I was numb they started the procedure, he even apologized in the middle of it because they kept taking extra x-rays, he said "because of my past dental experience he wanted to be extra anal about this procedure to make sure I am not longer in pain". He didn't make me feel shame or stupid because of my past, instead he affirmed what happened to me with my previous nightmare experience and assured me he was going to be meticulous about taking care of me. I could feel some barriers around my heart start to come down.  

Its the next day and I was going to take Judah to DC but we let the morning slip by. We were hanging out at home and having to much fun because for the first time in years I don't feel any major pain in my mouth and I am not on any medication. I trusted my dentist and he was able to fix me. 

We decided to have a mini snack picnic outside by the park. 

Judah is really this happy all the time. 

Although he does get a little serious when he eats. 

Does anyone know how to get grass stains out? He push himself backwards down this mini hill, while kicking off his shoes and has grass and mud all over his jeans. He was moving pretty fast and I couldn't stop laughing at him laughing at himself. 

I love how Judah has a heart that trusts me. That his heart is not yet tainted by the world and hasn't been hurt so bad where he has to distrust everyone he sees. He instead blows kisses, shares his toothy smile and will hug anyone he sees. I as his parent am teaching him boundaries and how to be careful with strangers. I l really love his innocence. Scott always tells me that Judah is a mini version of who I would have been if I wasn't tainted by my parents abuse. This thought brings joy to my heart, and I know I will always continually make sure I am that healthy, loving mom that will not let her son have the same past that she did and to protect him from people that will hurt him.

For now I don't have to worry as much, since he is around me 98% of the day. For now all I have to do it enjoy my sons sweet smile, his happy heart and his wonderful snuggles. 

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  1. This is precious. You are just beautiful. Thank God for a good dentist he's using for healing more than teeth! And your little boy is too cute.

  2. I am so glad your tooth is better!!! That had to be a nightmare for you! I like what you said about your son having a trusting heart. It was beautiful. I feel the same way :) At the same time I know the day is coming when my son will realize that not everyone is nice, or likes him. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.

  3. i hope that tooth is finally done hurting!

    and no, no idea how to get grass stains out. oy, and we've got a lot of those.

    glad you embraced with us this week!

  4. He is such an adorable little peanut!

    Feel better!


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