Monday, January 23, 2012

In not a perfect mom...




I think in our culture where everyone has a blog about their baby, an IG account or a Facebook its easy to portray yourself as being the perfect mom. You know the one who has everything together and whose children never ever screams,  throws a tantrum and all your days are perfect bliss. Well I am here to tell you, I am not one of those women. If  you think you can calm my screaming baby while my husband is out of town, I invite you to come over and show off your perfect mothering skills while I take a bath or maybe have that warm cup of coffee.

But seriously....what has gotten into my kid? Last night Judah and I had some fun with the photo booth application on the computer. I wanted to send Scott some silly pictures of us, I won't post the scary but funny alien looking pictures of us. Right after this Judah was playing with my hair, he likes to pretend brush it. Then all of a sudden he puked his entire dinner onto my hair, down my tank top and back. It smelled awful. I felt like Chunk from the goonies, that story he tells about fake puke and how it got everyone puking...I had to take a quick shower before I gave him a bath or I was going to be puking. 


I had Judah in the pack and play while I took a quick shower. I know I may not be winning mom of the year award but I am sure Judah is grateful I didn't puke on him because I had his puke dripping down my back while I was giving him a bath.  


After bath time Judah just wanted to snuggle before he fell asleep. He didn't puke again that night.


This morning he woke up in a great mood, super cute and talking to his doggie.


Was Mr Independent and wanted to try to walk to the car on his own this morning.

Was a great little post office helper and was smiling and waving at his friends behind the counter. 


I thought I would take him on a Starbucks date and we would be able to sit down. Judah can drink his water and have his food and I can have some coffee....wrong idea...Judah had one of the biggest in public tantrums ever! He was flinging is straw everywhere, throwing himself off the couch, trying to climb into the fireplace and screaming...I mean screaming like it was his job to bust some eardrums. After a few annoyed glances from the college students using the free wi-fi I decided it was time to take this Starbucks party home.


Naps today = 20 mins
I did give Judah his first taste of nutella, it was my first time having it as well. If you haven't had it already you have to try it!


This face below....is what he has looked like from 4-8:30pm, so upset, he didn't' want dinner in his highchair, he didn't want me to feed him, like literally would spit the food out onto his shirt when I tried to feed him and he only wanted to be in this walker so he could run me down with it. Seriously I am not even kidding. Judah was not having a good day/good night. 

I'm so exhausted at this point. I feel like a failure of a mother and I just want to hide in the bathroom (the only place I can find peace these days) turn on the fan or the faucet and cry. But Judah hasn't finished his dinner and I haven't eaten yet and I didn't want to freak him out even more and just "disappear" into the bathroom for 3 mins. 


While I was still coaxing my little guy to calm down and eat or at least hang with mama I thought I heard a knock on the door. I wasn't completely sure so I didn't answer and to be honest I couldn't hear that much over the screams. I found out later that my friend Laura Slingerland stopped by and dropped off a dozen white roses with a sweet note. Her and her husband set Scott and I up a few years ago. It was the sweetest thing, especially since I have been feeling so alone in this area since I've been married and more so since I've become a mom. 


Its almost 11, Judah is finally winding down after he had another bath, some milk and had me read him a bunch of stories. Praying for a better day tomorrow. We have to get at least one out of three right. 

I am so grateful for those who have sent me some encouragement either via IG, Twitter or Facebook. Believe me this mama needs all the encouragement she can get, especially this week. 
xo




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23 comments:

  1. me either! and we aren't supposed to have it all together all the time. motherhood is hard! some days are great, and some are terrible. i'm with you jess, and i know you are judah's perfect mom.

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    1. Thank you Amanda! I think on the rough/hard days its hard to see that their are amazing wonderful days where you just feel like the best mom. But the good days totally outweigh the hard days ;-)
      xo

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  2. every mother has a day like this! if they say they don't, they're lying :) it certainly can be incredibly exhausting with your hubby away and the option of even five minutes of relief a far off fantasy you don't realize is so important. as a single mom, i'm so grateful for the short little breaks i get from family, even if its just a minute. you are a great mom! duh! :) judah just loves you sooooo much he's pushing all of your limits :)

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    1. Ahhh he is sooo pushing me to my limits and its almost like I am trying not to get into a freak out mode because I know their is no one locally around that I can be like "hey can you watch Judah for an hour while I sleep" Im so happy you have family around you! Cherish that!!! I wish my family lived closer.
      xo

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  3. I know what you mean about this portrayal of perfection that blogs can give off... I notice that, and sometimes I wonder about my own blog having too much of that. But don't worry so much about being perfect darlin'! Letting Judah see you in an emotional state will let him know that it's okay to be frustrated and sad too, instead of thinking it's something to be ashamed of. :)

    ... Also, have you ever tried taking him into the shower with you? Laelia loves it! Just a thought for the next time you both are covered in vomit. ~.^

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    1. Ahh I wish he would shower with me! He is so scared of it! Like I've tried to get him used to it but every single time I try the shower with him he won't take a bath in the tub for a week or more! He will sit in the tub crying while staring at the shower head. Its the saddest thing.

      Thats totally what my counselor said, that Judah has to see all emotions from us. He has to see when we are hurt or upset ect and also know that we are able to (as his parents) take care of ourselves and not have to have him worry about taking care of us. Its a healthy process. I think I over think it bc of the pressure some people gave us when we were first married that their marriages were just perfect the first year and ours should have been as well and our kids should be perfect like theirs....so I hear that small voice in the back of my head sometimes...that you have to be the perfect mom...but if I listen to that voice I would be an even worse mom to Judah because I'll always always worry instead of being a mom. Know what I mean.
      xo

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  4. It's almost as though kids have a sixth sense for the days when mom needs just a tiny bit of a break and then *POW* tantrum city! I hope tomorrow goes a lot better for both you and Judah!

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    1. I totally think they do. Judah was freaking out the day/night scott flew out! I think he "knew" something was up. Kids are pretty sensitive to the vibe we give off

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  5. Those moms just picture the perfect moments. They have just as many tantrums, as many sick days, and as many terrible two's as you! You and Judah are normal, I swear!

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  6. Oh girl, we all have those days. And any mom that says she doesn't is lying...or she has some super mom gene that I don't have. I hope your days get better before Scott comes back home. I know it's so rough doing it all on your own. My husband went out of town for just one day a couple weekends ago and I was exhausted!

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    1. Thanks sweet lady, today was def better :-)
      xo

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  7. Don't stress- as said above, we all have those days! You sound like a brilliant mom!

    I have three kids and my house is a permanent major mess. I used to beat myself up about it. But, 'm a great mom and I do alot of stuff that is important, so I don't get so worked up about the stuff all over the floors anymore. I guess people are just afraid to admit the messiness of their lives, we always want people to think we've got our shit togther. But, more often then not, we're just getting by!

    Hope he's feeling much better today and you got a good night sleep!

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    1. Thanks sweet mama
      xo
      I did leave some messes today while we just went to the park. I think the important thing (instead of making sure the floors are swept before we leave the house) is that I pour into Judah as much as I can while Scott is away and give some extra love. He is just used to both of us and we probably spoiled him w love and attention (its not a bad thing) ;-)

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  8. Oh girl! I'm so sorry you had such a horrible day. I know that feeling and it seems so much harder, especially when the hubs is gone. No mom is perfect, you are doing a great job! Hang in there and this too shall pass my dear!

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  9. What a day! I can relate with you. I have two, one is about to turn three and my son just turned one. We have days like this quite often. My husband works swing shifts, so at times-I am all alone with no one to call, or to ask help from. I too run into my closet and cry. Being a mom is a tough job, just remember-you're not alone in your bad days. I know that Jesus doesn't want us to feel so isolated when it comes to the hard times. Don't let the "perfect mommy" bloggers get you down. There are more of us "not-so-perfect" ones out here than you think!!

    Thanks so much for sharing...new follower here!

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    1. awe mama, I am so sorry, my heart breaks that you don't have anyone near by! Are you in the US? I wish I could get you connected to a group of great mamas, but the wonderful thing about online community is that we are all able to support one another on here no matter where we are placed in the world

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    2. I am in the US. I am in a small town right outside Charlotte, NC. I moved here when I got married. My husband as lived here all of his life, but even then-never really fit in. We try to live our lives fully for Jesus-and that has caused us to lose all of our friends, and even some family. Its okay, I know its what God wants-and I know he's blessed me by meeting great people online who understand living that kind of life. Thanks so much for your blog. I really do enjoy it!

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  10. Sweetpea....
    YOU are an amazing Mama ... even though it doesn't always feel like it! I have had days like this... and currently our evenings from about 5 pm - 8 pm haven't been very pretty... lots of tantrums, screaming, breakdowns... ohhhh Lordy! It gets better!!! Promise :) Each day has it's own agenda, we are along for the ride!!!!
    P.S. spread some Nutella on a Saltine Cracker... it's like a little slice of heaven!!!! not. even. kidding!!! :)
    xxoo,
    maggie

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    1. awe sweet mama, i am so happy I've found you and you me, your such a sweet encouragement. Ahh wow I hope your 5-8 pms get better!

      Now I want to go search for a saltine cracker ;-I
      I'm going to think about it all night
      xo

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  11. Nobody's perfect. Being a mom maybe the hardest but certainly the most fulfilling job in the world.

    new moms support group nyc

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Thank you for your comments! They encourage my heart and I read every single one of them. Please be encouraging and don't just comment or email me when you want to correct me on my grammar. When I get the "grammar correction" emails or comments they do hurt my feelings. I wouldn't want your heart to feel the way mine does after reading them.

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