Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Nap time and my sanity

The other day I was having lunch with one of my pregnant friends and we were talking about the "fears" we have being pregnant. Fears that something would happen to our baby. Looking back I had allot of fears for Judah, and I truly didn't give those fears over to the Lord until I was sitting on the operating table waiting for the spinal tap. By then I figured I've worried everything to death, their is no sense worrying now. Then I realized something, I am still fearful over certain things with Judah and sometimes I let that fear control things I do in my life. For example our nap time routine. I always would let Judah fall asleep on me, when I was still BF he would nurse then fall asleep and while we traveled and stayed in hotels I would feed him and let him fall asleep on me. Most times I don't mind. I figured this is my way of just hanging out with my son, I mean how many more months do I have where he would just feel comfortable sleeping on or next to me. But recently I feel like I am the human pillow that is always attached to my son and its driving me a little crazy.

Since we traveled so much this spring/summer Judah now hates his crib. He wont go to sleep in it at all. So he has to sleep with us at night, I truly don't mind the night co-sleeping,  but sometimes its nice to not have a foot stuck in your back while you sleep. But more so it would be really nice to not be a human pillow during the day. I am able to get allot of my crocheting done while Judah naps on or next to me. But it would be nice to get up to go to the bathroom, make lunch or do something else...like update my blog...

So what I've done recently was move the pack and play back into our room. He actually likes the pack and play more than his crib, I think its because he slept in them in the hotels and he likes to scratch his hand on the side of the pack and play because it makes a funny noise.  For the past few days nap times have been great, I put him down and he cries out of exhaustion for maybe 5 mins, but then he gets really quiet, and I want to run upstairs and move his arm to make sure he is breathing okay. He sleeps like his father, really deep with shallow breathing. Its fine but I feel myself getting fearful that something may go wrong.  I will find myself being consumed by my fear and just picking up Judah so he can sleep near me so I know that he is "breathing" okay. So for my mama Sanity I make sure I wait 15 mins before I go and check on him, I trust that he is okay, before I put him down I make sure nothing is in his pack and play that would block his breathing.  I can hear him right downstairs if he makes any sort of cry and I know I can run up there in less than 2 mins. I have to trust that in his silence, he is actually sleeping, he is getting his baby rest so he can grow and be in a better mood when he wakes up. Their is only so much hand holding I can do for my baby, and for my sanity I have to trust he is okay and not go and check on him every 3 mins.

1 comment:

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